Shinji And The Bandit
by BebopSamurai
Summary: A very different Eva universe, in which Rei's a badass bankrobbing outlaw and Shinji's dragged along for the ride. Chapter 3 up: part two of flashback, Shinji's held hostage by Rei as she makes her escape from a lackluster robbery.
1. Gunslingers and Gasoline

Shinji and the Bandit 

I do not own Evangelion or its characters.

IN THE FANFICTION UNIVERSE, THERE ARE TWO DISTINCT BUT EQUALLY IMPORTANT KINDS OF STORIES: STORIES ABOUT ESTABLISHED FRANCHISES AND RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE WELL-WRITTEN AND INHERENTLY TRUE TO THE ORIGINAL SOURCE MATERIAL, AND STORIES WHICH TAKE COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED THINGS AND PAIR THEM TOGETHER, PROBABLY BECAUSE THE AUTHOR WAS ON DRUGS. THIS STORY IS ONE OF THE LATTER.

The wind whistled across the dusty plain as the harsh sun beat down, scorching the already burning hot sand that served as the ground. The occasional caw of a vulture sounded high in cloudless blue sky as it circled lazily, looking for any dying animals it could prey on. Far beneath the scavenger's steady patrol, a small gas station sat, the attendant behind the counter struggling to stay awake from a combination of boredom and the heat. Glad that no one was around, he snuck the flask of whiskey from its place at his hip and took a slow drink, savoring the taste as it provided relief from his growing dehydration.

_Damn...I don't see why they decided to put this place here. There's not even a town nearby,_ he thought as he glanced out at the far-off highway. He was about to turn back to his precious alcohol when he spotted what looked like a growing cloud of dust coming towards him.

_A customer? Well, it's about damn time._

* * *

The car finally came to a stop at one of the pumps, sending the brownish cloud of sand behind it dissolving into the air and making the automobile visible. It was a small, soft-top VW Beetle, light blue in color and its license plate read "SPIRIT" in red letters. The top was down to provide its occupants with some comfort, as the air conditioning on the second-hand car had long ago sputtered out. The driver pulled her khaki-colored sandal hat lower to better hide her bizarre features. The teenager who occupied the passenger seat nervously watched as the girl, only a few years older than him, opened the door and stepped out, pressing a few buttons on the self-serve pump and quickly set about pumping gas into the thirsty car. After she ensured that the tank was full, she slipped into the car and handed the brown-haired boy a handful of bills without turning to look at him. He stared at the small wad of money in his hands with confusion. 

"Uhh, what am I supposed to do with this?" The scrawny teen inquired. His pale companion's voice was in no more of a whisper as she spoke in an even monotone.

"...I would imagine that the answer to that was fairly obvious. I need you to go pay for the gas, kid."

"...Well, okay, but..." he leafed through the money carefully. "There's more in here than I need. You only filled up the tank, right?"

"Yes, but I'm hungry. We haven't eaten since we left Choshi, after all."

"I know, but I won't be able to get too much. It's just a convenience store-- the most they've probably got is a few old hot dogs and stale potato chips."

"That's fine. All I need is something to munch on and some soda to wash it down with," the girl said as she lifted the brim of her hat enough to make room to slide on a dark pair of sunglasses, the better to hide her appearance.

"All right, I'm going," the boy said calmly as he slammed his shoulder against the stubborn passenger side door, nearly falling out as it gave way.

"Remember, don't bring anything with meat in it. If I ever see another burger again it'll be too damn soon."

"...Yeah, yeah..."

"Oh, and Shinji..." he turned back to the girl who still was staring out at the vast desert. "...If you even TRY running out on me or calling the police, you'll be riding in the trunk from now on." Shinji cringed as he walked away from the Beetle to the door of the small building. He'd never seen his abductor do anything particularly violent, but that didn't mean she wasn't capable of it.

* * *

The attendant stared at the couple that had just pulled up to the gas pumps. Normally, he didn't care about who his customers were, but something about the woman's appearance had caught his eye. He wondered vaguely if he'd seen her before somewhere, like on a movie or television. He was about to dismiss the whole possibility when she lifted her hat and put on a pair of round-framed sunglasses. He'd only seen them for a second, but the girl had a pair of striking crimson eyes, and just a few locks of loose turquoise hair were visible under her floppy beach-bum hat. 

_Red eyes...Blue hair..._

Suddenly he remembered where he'd seen her before--last night on the evening news. He quickly walked over to the phone set up just a few feet away, then dialed the number for the police.

* * *

At the Tokyo-Central Police Department, monotony reigned supreme. It was one of the few slow days they'd had in months--the most anyone had called in for was to report a stolen wallet. Suddenly the phone began to ring. It took a few moments for a police officer with bleached blonde hair to pick up the reciever. 

"Tokyo Police," she said monotonously, barely able to conceal her apathy. "...What's your emergency?" She gave a blatant display of annoyance as soon as she realized the man on the other end had a terribly thick Osakan accent. "...A suspicious person, you say? Well, what did he...I'm sorry, she...look like?" She was about to nod off when the man on the phone said something that shook all thoughts of sleep from her mind. "...I'm sorry, can you repeat that description again?" Slowly, the man repeated how the woman outside the gas station had red eyes and light-blue hair. A smile crept across the blonde's face. "...All right, we'll send out a squad as soon as we can. Now where are you?..." She took down the address, frowning slightly as she realized that it was out in the middle of nowhere. "Hmm...we'll be there as soon as we can, but if you could find some way to keep them from leaving, that would be a big help. All right...No, thank YOU, sir." With a grin, she hung up the phone and ran to the desk a few feet away.

_Our first real lead in about a week...this is too good to be true..._

"Misato! Misato!" she called as she turned the corner of the cubicle wall, only to see her partner sleeping fitfully with her head on her desk. "...Hey, Misato? Detective Katsuragi?" the blonde said formally with growing frustration. Finally she sighed and pulled her trump card. "FREE BEER, EVERYONE!" She yelled loudly enough to get the attention of everyone in the precinct. Sure enough, the violet-haired woman stirred in her seat, mumbling as she lifted her head.

"Hmm...huh? Whassat?" Misato slowly turned her head to see her friend standing there with an annoyed expression. "...Oh, it's just you, Ritsuko," she said through a loud yawn.

"'Just Ritsuko,' eh?" the blonde said with a huff. "Come on, we've got to go! We just got a call--" Before she could finish Misato had already put her head back onto her desk.

"Ahh, you go," Misato said lazily. Ritsuko glared at the woman like she was dealing with a three-year-old.

"Misato, are you drunk?"

"No, I'm just wicked tired 'cause I was up all night drinking," the violet-haired woman said seriously. Without warning, Ritsuko grabbed her by the ear and pulled her up, elliciting a long unbroken string of 'ow-ow-ows' from Misato. "Hey, what the hell was THAT for?"

"Oh, you'd rather just sit here on your ass while your _biggest case _has the opportunity to get away?" Suddenly Misato's insobriety faded and she stared coherently at her friend.

"...You mean that..." Ritsuko only smiled and nodded at her friend. Misato stood in shock for about half a second before she broke free of the blonde's grasp.

"Well, why the hell didn't you just SAY so!" she yelled as she ran to grab the light-brown trenchcoat and matching fedora that hung on the coatstand that stood near her desk, then slipped both on. Ritsuko sighed as she followed her friend to the parking garage door.

"Why do you always wear that thing? You look ridiculous, you know." Misato grinned smugly at her friend as they both grabbed their police-issue Magnums and slid them into their holsters.

"Well, I _am_ going on a manhunt, after all-- may as well look the part." Misato then turned to the other police officers in the building and alerted them with a loud holler. "All right, people! I'm gonna need about 7 squad cars of 2 officers each! We're heading for the Shamshel gas station off the main highway between Tokyo and Chiba! This might be the day we get her, boys!" With that, a small army of policemen got up to follow their two superior officers, hooting and getting themselves ready before they ran out to their vehicles.

* * *

The gas station attendant set down the phone just as Shinji opened the door with a jingle. He quickly regained his composure as the boy gave him a fairly jovial 'hello,' to which he nodded back. The boy didn't give him a second glance as he set about wandering the small aisles of snacks and sweets, looking for anything that his 'chauffer' wouldn't object to. 

_Hell...how am I gonna keep 'em here for fifteen minutes?_ he pondered as he watched Shinji grab a few bags of pretzels and walk over to the self-serve soda fountain. After what seemed like an eternity, Shinji walked up to the counter and handed the cashier his purchases, along with 5,000 Yen in assorted small bills.

"Aw right," the attendant said as he glanced over the items, "...one bag pretzel twists, a bag of pretzel bites, two medium sodas, and 3,733 Yen for gas... total comes to 4,100." Shinji pushed the bills closer to the attendant, who leafed through them before handing one back. The boy gave the attendant a curious glance before speaking.

"...What's this? I'm sure I had the right amount..." He didn't notice the cashier's eyes shift nervously around as he desperately searched for an excuse to hold up the boy.

"Uh...well, actually, ya see, umm... This bill has a tear in it." Shinji leaned closer and saw that the 2000 Yen note did, in fact, have a tear running down the center, probably from overhandling. "I'm, uh...I'm afraid I can't take disfigured money."

"Well, I don't see why that's a problem," Shinji said puzzled. "Can't you just fix it with some tape or something?"

"Uh...no. Believe me, I'd fix it if I had tape here, but you see I only JUST ran out this morning, and so there's nothin' I can do." Shinji glanced back at the aisle with a few office supplies in it and pointed suspiciously at the stacks of scotch tape that hung on the rails.

"What about that? Can't you just use some tape from the store?" At that, the attendant straightened up, furrowing his brow in feigned outrage.

"HOW DARE YOU MAKE SUCH INSINUATIONS ABOUT MY INTEGRITY! I WOULD NEVER STEAL FROM MY PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT SIMPLY TO CONVENIENCE A CUSTOMER!" Shinji cringed and covered his face at the man's fearful display of anger.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He then grabbed the offending slip of money and handed the attendant a pair of 1000 Yen bills in its place. "Here, take it!" With that, Shinji grabbed the food and prepared to get as far away from the crazy man as he could when the 'crazy man' suddenly remembered that he needed to keep the boy here until the cops arrived.

"Oh, uh, wait sir!" he said as apologetically as he could, to which Shinji paused and let go of the door, making it swing back right in front of him. "You forgot your change!"

_Oh, for the love of God..._ Shinji sighed as he turned back to the cashier and extended his palm to recieve a handful of oddly sized coins.

"Here," he said as he made to give the measly 900 Yen back to the man.

"Oh, no. That's your money. I can't accept it."

"Really, mister--It's not even worth it for me to keep it. You can have--" But suddenly the cashier got angry again.

"'YOU DON'T NEED IT?' WELL, THEN WHY'D YOU CARRY SO MUCH MONEY WITH YOU, HUH? WHY DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'VE GOTTA JUST CARRY A TON OF MONEY TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF, HUH! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT THAT 'MEASLY' NINE-HUNDRED YEN COULD FEED A FAMILY OF FOUR IN A THIRD-WORLD COUNTRY FOR AT LEAST TWO MONTHS!"

"Huh...wha?" Shinji managed, beyond confused about how the conversation had ended up there. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"OH, I GET IT! YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE SELFISH, 'I-DON'T-CARE-ABOUT-THE-REST-OF-THE-WORLD' PEOPLE WHO THINKS THAT AS LONG AS YOU'VE GOT FOOD ON YOUR PLATE, THAT EVERYONE ELSE MUST BE JUST FINE! WELL, IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO ARE SCREWING UP THE PLANET AND MELTING THE ICE CAPS AND KILLING THE CALIFORNIA CONDOR WITH YOUR APATHY AND I WON'T STAND FOR IT! SO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME THAT YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT 900 YEN AND DO SOMETHING WITH IT!" Shinji stared wide-eyed at the man as he stopped, panting hard and beet-red in the face from his impassioned diatribe. Once he had calmed down, the cashier went into a lengthy apology.

"I...I'm sorry about that...It's just, you know, I grew up in a very globally conscious home, and, well, the boss has been threatening to cut back on salaries, and...I...I dunno. I've just...I'm just havin' a bad day." Shinji nodded fervently, scared out of his mind by the possibly schizophrenic attendant.

"Oh, no, you don't need to apologize about that..."

"No, no-- it was totally uncalled for. All you were doin' was payin' for what you needed to. You didn't come in here to listen to my problems...and it was rude of me to try and push MY personal opinions on you."

"O-okay, okay, fine..." Shinji said as evenly as he could. "Don't worry about it. Now, it's been, uh...interesting, but I REALLY need to get going, so..." Shinji turned back to the door as he stuffed the change into his pocket and was about to run to the car when he heard the unmistakable sound of a shotgun being armed.

"Oh, sorry..." the cashier said sounding genuinely apologetic, "...but I forgot-- I can't let you leave." Shinji turned around with his hands in the air, staring at the powerful weapon aimed directly at his chest.

"What! Why the hell do you have THAT thing?" he asked as sweat began to run down his face.

"Hmph. One word: drive-offs. This is a gas station, ya know." The boy sighed as he stood in front of his captor, pondering the disposition of his probably-impatient FEMALE kidnapper.

_She's gonna be so pissed off..._

* * *

The girl in the khaki hat slipped out a cigarette from the carton of her beloved "Testament" brand, then set the end aflame with the slim lighter in the pocket of her denim jeans. She quietly inhaled on the filtered end, letting the relaxing taste of the tobacco take her mind off her 'traveling companion.' After lazily glancing at her watch, the azure-haired girl turned to look at the gas station door. 

_What the hell is he doing in there?_

She had to admit she was getting annoyed, and it took quite a bit for her to get annoyed. After a few drags on the cigarette, she tossed it out of the car and onto the reddish ground that surrounded the Beetle.

_Alright...five more minutes and I'm going in to get him._

She closed her eyes and tried to block out the blinding light of the sun overhead as a familiar sound in the distance floated into her ears. The girl ignored it at first, but soon it grew loud enough to be recognizable. Her crimson eyes snapped open with a start.

_Sirens..._

She quickly leaned back to the backseat and pulled out a long black case. After snapping open the latches and removing the contents, the girl slipped off her sunglasses, their no longer being a reason to conceal her face, and snuck around to the building's other door.

* * *

"Now, listen kid..." the attendant said as he kept his gun on Shinji, "...I don't wanna hurt anybody. But your friend out there's dangerous, and so I hadta call the cops. They'll be here pretty soon and then I'll let you go. Understand?" Shinji said nothing, he only stared at the gun as though it would go off if he took his eyes off it for even a second. Neither of them saw the hat-donning girl sneak up on the man until he felt the cold barrel of her own shotgun at his head. 

"Understood," she uttered simply, letting her presence and the weapon in her hands fill the cashier with wide-eyed fear. "...Now I think it would be nice if you put that gun down. Someone might get hurt," she said threateningly as she pulled the manual loader back, making a satisfying locking sound. Fortunately, he didn't need another warning. He dropped the weapon with a clatter, which made the girl press the barrel of her shotgun deeper into his head. "I said PUT IT DOWN, not DROP IT! It won't do you any good if that kid ends up DEAD because you couldn't take a few seconds to set the weapon on the freakin' GROUND!" She stopped talking, but instead of silence the wailing of police sirens filled the air as they stopped at random spots in front of the building, accompanied by the sound of a helicopter getting closer to the roof. "Now, I'm only going to ask this once: did you call the police?" The man was silent for a second, then slowly nodded yes. With that, the girl pulled the grip back, loading a shell into the barrel with a click.

"Wait, Rei! Don't kill him!" The girl raised her head slightly to glare at him from below the brim of her hat. Before she could retort, a quite-familiar voice came from outside, assisted by a handheld loudspeaker.

"ATTENTION, REI AYANAMI-- YOU REMEMBER ME, DON'T YOU?" In spite of the dire situation she was in, Rei allowed herself a nostalgic grin.

"Good old Misato."

"THIS IS THE TOKYO POLICE-- WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR THE ROBBERY OF 27 PRIVATE BANKS IN SOUTHERN JAPAN, ENDANGERMENT OF CIVILIANS, ASSAULT OF OFFICERS--"

"--'resisting arrest, grand theft auto, and carrying firearms without a license,'" Rei finished with a chuckle, having heard the list so many times she'd practically absorbed it to memory.

"IF YOU RELEASE SHINJI IKARI AND ANY OTHER HOSTAGES YOU MAY HAVE TO US IMMEDIATELY, WE CAN NEGOTIATE THE POSSIBLE REDUCTION OF YOUR SENTENCING. YOU HAVE TEN MINUTES TO COMPLY."

Rei glanced at the two men in the building with her, then at the foodstuffs in the small area.

"You-- Snitchy McBlabbermouth!" she growled at the cashier, who'd probably wet himself since having Rei sneak up on him. "...Do you have any alcohol in here?" It took the shaken man a moment to stutter out an answer.

"W-well, w-w-we've got beer in t-the iceboxes--" he was cut off by his own howl of pain as Rei pounded the handle of the boomstick into his shoulder.

"Did I ask you for FREAKIN' BEER! 'Cause I know my own voice and I did NOT hear it ask you for some goddamned fermented barley and hops! Did you hear me ask for beer?"

"N-n-no!"

"Uhh, Rei...c-could you calm down--just a little bit?" Shinji said while cringing, hoping not to set her off any more than she already was. In the brief time he'd known her, she didn't lose her temper unless she was in a desperate situation--like this one. Fortunately, the slightly older woman took a breath, allowing composure to settle over her pale face.

"All right! Now that we've got that cleared up...I'll ask you as calmly and as slowly as I can: Do...you...have...any...alcohol?" Without a word, the man reached his trembling left hand to his hip and after a moment held out his flask of whiskey.

* * *

"FIVE MINUTES LEFT, REI. DON'T MAKE US COME IN THERE AND GET YOU," Misato uttered through the loudspeaker in her hand. The police cars had formed a bit of a semicircle around the convenience store, while officers had their guns drawn and were using their vehicles as cover. Ritsuko walked over to her friend while keeping her eyes trained on the door. 

"Well, the perimeter's set up on the other side now--she's got nowhere to go unless it's up." the violet-haired woman nodded as she kept her focus on the building.

"Hmph-- she's gotta surrender this time, she's got nowhere to run!"

"I dunno about that," Ritsuko said in a sing-song voice. "How many times have you said that and she's managed to sneak out from under your nose?" Detective Katsuragi glared at her friend from beneath her hat, but said nothing. Suddenly there was a flash and the sound of a gun report from inside the building.

"Shots fired--everyone move in!" shouted one of the leading officers.

"Wait, hold on--" Misato tried to yell, but the policemen had already started rushing the door, banging it down upon finding it was locked. At first there appeared to be nothing out of the ordinary in the small shop, save for a clerk tied up in the far corner.

"Get him untied," a policeman said to a pair of officers, who quickly obeyed. Glancing down, he happened to notice that there were a few wet spots on the floor. "...What the hell is that? It doesn't look like water..." Another bent down carefully, then dipped a finger in the substance and put it experimentally to his nose.

"Sir, I think it's alcohol...whiskey, if I could venture a guess." One of the policeman freeing the cashier turned upon hearing this.

"The store doesn't sell anything stronger than beer, sir--I think this guy had it. He sure as hell SMELLS like it." As he said that, he pulled the gag out of the man's mouth. He gasped for breath, then immediately began speaking, no one noticing the pale hand slink out from behind the counter and flick on her lighter.

"S...She's behind the..." Before the officers could even register what he said, the room filled with flame as the lighter made contact with the volatile liquor on the ground.

"What the...?" was all Misato and Ritsuko could utter as the interior of the building erupted in flame. "...Get them out of there!" The rest of the policemen, along with the two detectives, ran at the doors and burst through to aid their brothers-in-arms. Once all the policemen were inside, Rei jumped over the counter, shielded from sight by the flames, then pulled Shinji over.

"Come ON, kid!" she said as calmly as she could given the circumstances. Shinji fell with a bang on the way down, alerting a handful of policemen to their presence.

"THERE SHE IS!" Ritsuko yelled over the roar of the fire. A few of the officers who'd just run in, accompanied by Misato, ran after the two as the bolted for the Beetle still parked in front of the gas pump.

"Ritsuko, get these guys out of here! We're going after them!" the violet-haired detective barked over her shoulder. Rei had already started the engine as the officers got to their cars, meaning that she already had a headstart before the three squad cars could begin their pursuit.

"Damnit, I won't let you get away from me this time!" Misato growled as she slammed down on the gas to catch up with the speedy blue convertible.

* * *

Rei smiled as she watched the cars steadily begin to catch up with her, the horns honking in a futile effort to coerce her into pulling over. Dust sprang up from behind the quartet of automobiles as they sped along, the Beetle winding and curving to shake off its pursuers. She succeeded as one took a turn too slow, flipping into the air as its front-left tire hit a sloping rock and just barely avoiding smashing into its companions. Misato's eyes popped out of her head as she glanced back at the officers crawling out of the downed car, breathing a sigh of relief that she hadn't been in its warpath. After a few moments Rei's blue VW skidded onto the highway, forcing a few cars to slam on their brakes or crash into each other; the two police cars blaring after her didn't help matters either. 

_Hmm, still not getting the hint,_ Rei thought with a wry grin as she reached over Shinji's lap. The boy turned red and was about to protest her molesting him when he realized that all she was after was the glove compartment. He scooted back as she opened it up to reveal a handcannon, nearly as her forearm, sitting comfortably atop the owner's manual for the car. She gave the massive pistol an appraising glance as she made sure the chambers were loaded.

"Grab the wheel," she said suddenly, awakening Shinji from his shocked reverie.

"Oh, uh..." before he could say anything, Rei turned around at the waist with her foot still on the gas, removing her hat with one hand and setting it in the backseat, which sent her short blue hair flying towards her face from their speed. The car swerved to the right just before Shinji complied, steadying the car's direction as much as he could from his awkward position.

"Keep it steady, damnit! It's like trying to shoot from a log ride!"

"I'm trying!" Shinji retorted as Rei slowly took aim, supporting her strong hand with her left to lessen the gun's recoil. "Hurry up!"

Before he could complain further, he heard the loud report of the handcannon as it went off in Rei's hand, followed shortly after by the screeching of a car missing its front-right tire. Rei turned and grabbed the wheel again, giving Shinji a chance to see the front police car swerve out of control and slam straight into the one behind it. The two exchanged a sigh of relief, followed by a few minutes silence as they sped along the highway.

* * *

Misato kicked against the jammed door until it finally gave way, then pulled herself out of her now-totaled police car. She stumbled over to where the other had crashed, not a few feet away. Fortunately, the two policemen who had been riding inside were safely out of the mangled heap of metal. 

"...Hey...you two all right?" One was sitting on the road clutching painfully at his leg while the other rubbed his sore neck, but other than that it didn't seem like they'd been seriously hurt. Suddenly a crackling of Ritsuko's voice came over the CB inside the car, and Misato opened the bent door and leaned in to answer it.

"...Ritsuko?"

"Oh, good-- I'm glad you guys are safe. Did you get her?" Misato sighed into the handheld reciever before answering.

"...What do you think?"

"Well, damnit..." Ritsuko said on the other side of the line. "...On the bright side, we were able to get the fire out over here. It turns out that it was a lot smaller than it looked from outside. No one's hurt."

"...That's good..." Misato said lazily. "...Can you send a few cars to pick us up? We're not too far down the highway." Ritsuko assented before she hung up, to which Misato followed suit. She pulled the fedora of the top of her head and dusted it off, staring off at where her quarry had become a speck in the distance.

_Damnit, Rei...I'll bring you in alive even if it kills me._

* * *

Meanwhile, the object of the detective's thoughts brought her palm against the back of Shinji's head sharply. 

"Ow! What was THAT for?" he said wincing as he rubbed the now tender spot on his skull. He braced himself for Rei to scream at him, but she had reverted to her stoic behavior now that they were out of harm's way.

"...I told you go in and out, not that you get yourself nabbed by a vigilante with something to prove." Shinji glared defensively at the pale girl.

"Hey, I didn't MEAN for that to happen! How did I know he was going to recognize you?"

"Yes, but since you were the one who was actually caught, the fault lies with you."

"What kind of logic is THAT?" Rei quickly raised the handcannon still in her hand to Shinji's face, silencing the boy immediately.

"...Would you rather continue this discussion with yourself in the trunk? Because I'm plenty tired of it." Shinji knew that there was no arguing with such a dangerous woman, so he only groaned and shifted himself so that he was leaning against the passenger side door. He was turning his head to look out the window when he noticed Rei's crimson eyes where glancing in his direction, and of all things, she had an almost inperceptible smile on her face. Shinji tried to pretend he hadn't noticed, but now that he knew she was watching him it made him uncomfortable. He finally turned his head in her direction and growled at her.

"What?"

Rei only chuckled as she looked back at the road peacefully.

* * *

A/N: Well, I'm sure this was a bizarre read :) This story is the brainchild of my love of the Eva characters and my love of the 'outlaw' brand of film and TV shows--it's not really a crossover so much as them in a very different genre :) I had the most fun writing the stuff for Rei--I know she's pretty OOC, but I thought it would be amusing to cast her as the badass outlaw chick and Shinji as the innocent simp who's dragged along for the ride. Oh, and some of the writing, I wasn't just rambling-- I'm one of those people who loved the conversations that went nowhere in 'Pulp Fiction' and I was deliberately trying to invoke that feel. Oh wait, isn't that kind of rambling ? 

Well, let me know if you liked it or not--I wasn't sure how people would react to this story, so I'm uncertain of whether or not to continue it. I'd like about fifteen reviews before I start on another chapter-- If you guys want me to continue, more characters will show up and the craziness will only get...more crazy!

P.S.: Play "Spot the Random 'Family Guy' Line!"


	2. Unexpected Union: Flashback Pt 1

Chapter 2: Unexpected Union: Flashback Pt. 1 

Disclaimer: All Eva characters and references property of Gainax. (I'm only gonna say it once.)

"There you are, Shinji! You're gonna be late for school!"

"...I'm comin' Mom, I'm comin'..." Shinji said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he hobbled down the stairs. Upon reaching the cavernous atrium, he turned left and into his family's beautifully furnished kitchen. There stood Yui, putting the finishing touches on a heap of steaming hot pancakes with a slice of cantelope and a few sausages. She glanced up at her son and sighed in false annoyance as she put down the skillet and grabbed a pitcher of orange juice.

"Look at you-- you're not even dressed yet!" Her son only grumbled unintelligibly as he sat down at the table in his sleep shirt and boxers, taking a grateful swig of the tangy drink before digging into his meal.

_Ahh, pancakes,_ he thought gratefully._ Same as every Thursday morning._

While some people might have enjoyed something other than a predictable meal schedule, Shinji was not one of them-- as far as he was concerned, change was one of the least enjoyable prospects in this world. That was how he lived his comfortable life and that was how he liked it. He set down the expensive silverware in his hand as he took another gulp of OJ.

"Hey, Mom-- is Dad still here?" Yui turned to look at Shinji from her place beside the sink, still absentmindedly scrubbing the now-used skillet in her hand with a sponge.

"Oh, sorry Shinji-- he had to go early today, important meetings you know."

"...Oh. Okay," the boy responded evenly, not really caring as he turned his attention on the sausage, slicing each link into small, even pieces before sticking them into his waiting mouth. Somehow his eyes wandered over to the hands of the clock hanging over the kitchen window and he sprung out of his chair with a clatter. "What the...? Mom, why the HELL didn't you wake me up!"

"HEY!" his mother said indignantly, "Don't you use that language in my house, young man-- and besides, that's not my job; your alarm should've gone off!"

"Yeah, but..." Shinji tried to argue as he wolfed down the remains of the meal, struggling to swallow it all at once.

"Don't do that, you'll make yourself sick!" Yui reprimanded as she watched Shinji rush. After finishing off the juice in his glass, he dashed off toward the stairs, and within minutes ran back down, hastily stuffing the hem of his shortsleeve shirt into his black uniform slacks.

"Mom, where's my lunch?"

"Don't worry; I've got it right here," the brunette said gently as she held the bento up in her hand. Shinji walked across the kitchen to her and was about to grab it when she pulled the box full of food just out of his reach. Shinji stared at her for a moment before he lost his patience.

"Mom, c'mon! Toji'll be here any minute--"

"...Are you going to remember to pick up some college applications on your way home? Because that's the only way you're going to get this today," Yui stated simply, unable to hold back a teasing smile as she held the lunch box just beyond the length of Shinji's arm. Before the boy could argue, the horn of a car sounded outside the house. He sighed in defeat, knowing that his friends were'nt the patient type.

"Okay, okay, I'll go this afternoon. I promise." Satisfied, Yui handed the box to her boy after pecking him lightly on the cheek, to which Shinji groaned inwardly but made no verbal protest. "Bye, Mom!" he yelled as he grabbed his bookbag near the door and ran outside. Yui followed him to the threshold and called after him.

"Have a good day, Shinji!" She then waved and turned back into the house, eager to have a chance to eat her own breakfast. Shinji dashed across the wide green lawn to the black Colt Galant parked in the street. Without hesitating, he opened the back door and got in, tossing his bag in before him. Before he could fasten his seatbelt the car sped around the cul-de-sac and onto the main street.

"Damn, Shinji, what the hell were you doin,' eh?" The tan-skinned Toji said, looking over his shoulder at the car's third occupant. "You fall in the toilet or somethin--"

"TOJI, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!"

The jock turned upon hearing Kensuke yelling in his ear only to see a car heading straight for him. The three boys let out a very unmasculine scream as Toji barely succeeded in swerving the car back into the proper lane.

"Oh geez..." the trio sighed in relief. They were silent a moment, then Toji (without looking away from the road this time) restated his question to Shinji.

"So, anyway...what happened, man? You're usually standing out there waiting for US about this time." Shinji groaned to himself as he related the reason for his lateness.

"Ahh...I was up late studying for that Geometry test and I guess I forgot to set my alarm."

"You? Staying up to study?" the bespectacled Kensuke chimed in. "That's gotta be a first." Shinji sighed and gave a nod as he gazed lazily out the window. If he studied at all, it would usually be right after class, not deep into the night. "Well, are you feeling good about it? Think you've got it down?"

"...I don't know," Shinji managed as he rubbed his still-tired eyes. "I guess we'll find out."

* * *

It only took about ten minutes for them to pull the jet black four-door into a parking space at Tokyo-3 Public High School. Once the trio had negotiated the mob of their fellow students they were surprised by a haughty and authoritative voice behind them. 

"There you three are! I hope you can explain yourselves for yesterday!" Shinji, Toji and Kensuke turned as one to find a lanky, freckled girl with her brown hair held back in a pair of shoulder-length pigtails.

"Oh, it's just the class rep," Toji said in a bored tone. Kensuke didn't even bother to acknowledge her, but Shinji smiled at seeing his best friend there.

"Hey, Hikari--" But he was cut off by the girl's angry glare.

"Don't you 'hi' me, Shinji Ikari! I wanna know why you three didn't show up for cleaning duty yesterday!" At first the trio only looked at her with confusion, but after a few moments they 'oohed' in sudden comprehension.

"Oh, sorry about that, Hikari," Shinji started apologetically, "...I guess we just forgot about it..."

"Hmph. A likely story," the girl said skeptically. "I'll bet you guys ditched on purpose to go play video games!" At this, Toji and Kensuke twitched guiltily, but Hikari didn't notice.

"Honest! Look, I'm sorry but I had a bunch of studying to do and I had my mind on that and I guess I just--" Hikari cut off Shinji's tirade with a mere wave.

"Just...stop. If you think I'm gonna be tricked by your excuses, you're crazy. Now you three are gonna be punished to ensure this doesn't happen again." As if on cue, the three boys groaned and began protesting.

"What!"  
"Punished! What the hell for?"  
"How can you even DO that!"

"Because I'M the 'class rep,' as you so cleverly put it, Mr. Suzuhara!" Knowing that to argue further was futile, they became quiet. "Now...since you guys ditched clean-up, I suppose the only fitting punishment would be to make you...INDIVIDUALLY...take turns cleaning for the next three days."

"WHAT? BY OURSELVES!" Kensuke whined.

"Yes, by yourselves! I'll be there to ensure that you don't slack off, of course, but I won't be helping any of you! Now today, it's Shinji's turn, then tomorrow Suzuhara and after that Aida. Understand?" The three mumbled that they understood, and then the girl set off with a small smile and a spring in her step. The frustrated boys glanced off in her direction before proceeding to go to their lockers.

"Jeez, what a bitch!" Kensuke moaned once he was sure the target of his slander had disappeared into the mass of students moving to their classes.

"And what's with that little smirk she had on?" Toji interjected. "...It's like she gets off on this stuff or somethin'!"

"Come on, guys, she's not that bad," Shinji said in her defense.

"Hmph. Whatever," Toji muttered while rolling his eyes. "I don't see how you two get along at all."

"Well, we've known each other a long time." Kensuke sighed to himself upon hearing Shinji's statement.

"It doesn't do us any good if she's gonna punish us anyway."

* * *

Hours later, Shinji was making a last scrubdown of the floors with his washrag, silently lamenting over the test he'd taken and was now certain he had failed. 

_God...everything's so messed up today. It doesn't help that I've been stuck here for almost an hour..._

"Shinji, what are you doing over there? You're not spacing out, are you?" Hikari's voice broke the silence only a few feet from him, leaning over a desk to see if he was still working.

"Uh, n-no..." Shinji lied as he instantly resumed his cleaning. "I-I'm just finishing up over here."

"Oh." Shinji nearly thought he'd heard disappointment in the class representative's voice, but ignored it as he stood up and dipped the dirty cloth into a bucketful of water. "...Well, then just take out the trash and you're...free to go." Shinji grabbed the bucket as well as the two light bags of trash and left, not noticing the subdued expression on Hikari's face.

After throwing the trash into the furnace behind the school, Shinji grabbed the now-empty water bucket and wandered back inside, to grab his bookbag and return the pail. He walked into the classroom to see Hikari still standing there, quietly staring out the window.

"...Hikari?" She jumped slightly as if she'd been deep in thought, then turned to face the school's only other occupant. "...Here's the bucket. Sorry, but I need to get going."

"Okay," she said evenly as she took it from his hand. "...Sorry I had to make you three do this, but if I don't put my foot down, no one'll listen to me." Shinji allowed himself a chuckle as he walked over to his desk and grabbed the dark purple backpack stowed in the legspace.

"Well, don't worry about it-- you do what you gotta do, you know?"

"...Yeah..." Hikari answered distractedly.

"See you tomorrow," the boy called over his shoulder as he headed for the door.

"Hey, Shinji..." The boy stopped upon hearing his friend's voice call his name.

"Yeah?" It took Hikari a moment to speak, and when she did she sounded nervous--a very uncharacteristic behavior for someone so prone to speaking her mind and asserting authority over her delinquent fellow students.

"Um...I have to admit, I had...a bit of an ulterior motive for...asking you to do your 'punishment' like this." Shinji blinked, a bit puzzled by what she had said.

"...Wait, what do you mean? We all got punished the same, so..."

"Yeah, about that...If I hadn't asked Suzuhara and Aida to do the same thing, it...would have looked suspicious." At this, Hikari turned away from the window to look Shinji in the face. He was surprised to see her blushing, visible despite her position directly in front of the sunlight streaming through the window. "The thing is...I wanted...to ask you something...while we were alone." Seeing that Shinji had nothing to say to this, the pigtailed girl slowly continued. "...We've known each other for a long time...since Junior High, right?"

"Y-yeah..." Shinji agreed, uncertain of where the conversation was going.

"And...we get along...don't we?" Shinji didn't hesistate to answer this question.

"Well, yeah! To be honest, I feel like you're one of the best friends I've ever had. Even more so than Toji or Kensuke." Hikari flinched slightly upon hearing him refer to her as a 'friend,' but she'd already reached the Point of No Return. She had to say what she'd made him stay after class to hear.

"Shinji...I...I really like spending time with you. But whenever we do things, it's always with other people. And so, uh...I was wondering...W-w-would you..." The boy, having not yet grasped what his friend was trying to say, looked at her oddly.

"Hikari, whatever you have to say, you know you can tell me." The girl swallowed, took a deep breath, and finally asked her question.

"...Would you like to...g-go out with me?"

* * *

Shinji plodded along the sidewalk in a daze, slowly making his way through the busy city. Of all the things he had never expected his platonic friend of six years to say, THAT had been right at the top of the list. He had left her with only the ambiguous answer of 'maybe,' but he felt like he had to come up with something to tell her by school tomorrow. 

_Jeez...I never expected to end up in a situation like this. I can't believe I never saw it coming..._

But then, if Hikari had been harboring these feelings for a while, she had certainly done a good job of hiding them. Their interactionshad always beenfairly comfortable, not hindered by any thoughts of their relationship becoming anything more than friendship, at least on Shinji's part.He turned the thought over in his head for a while.

Going out with Hikari might not be as odd as it had seemed at first; he had to admit that she was cute and he did enjoy spending time with her whenever they went with their friends to do something. Shinji hadn't really gotten in the dating game, and maybe Hikari was the best person to start out with.

_So it's decided,_ he told himself firmly._ I'll tell her tomorrow._ Out of nowhere, he remembered what his mother had pestered him about for the last week but he never seemed to remember.

_Oh damn...the applications. Oh well, I'll just do THAT tomorrow, too._ He thought suddenly about the promise he had made to himself regarding Hikari.

_Oh...If I'm gonna take her out, I should get some money..._

With that in mind, he dashed off to the bank, not realizing that the next time he saw her all the feelings he had now would be completely overshadowed by another woman.

A/N: Well, I've decided to continue the story, in spite of the fact that I haven't really gotten any feedback... :( So I hope that, if you're looking for a (very) different sort of Eva story, you'll enjoy this one!


	3. Unexpected Union: Flashback Pt 2

Shinji and the Bandit 

Chapter 3: Unexpected Union: Flashback Pt. 2

Shinji stuck his bank card into the ATM again with a groan.

_Come on... Come on, you piece of..._

But the offending machine, as if purposefully mocking him, spat the card out for the third time while the words "TEMPORARILY OUT OF SERVICE" flashed across the small LED screen. The teen sighed aloud as he grabbed the thin rectangle of plastic and shoved it back into his wallet.

_Jeez...if it's not working, at least have the decency to leave a note!_ Shinji thought, silently cursing the bank's administrators or whoever was in charge of keeping the automated tellers running. Finally accepting that it was futile, he began the long walk around to the entrance of the Tokyo Metropolitan Bank, not noticing the peculiar car that had just pulled into the parking lot's driveway.

* * *

There was nothing odd superficially about the car, outside of what it was in context of where it was. It was first and foremost a foreign car-- a sky-blue Volkswagen Beetle, with a khaki-colored retractable soft-top. Moreover, it was one of the vintage kinds--possibly from as far back as the late 1960's. It would not have been strange to see one of these in Europe 30 years ago, or even in the United States. But it was in Japan, and a car this old and of this type in this country was sure to turn some heads. 

However, the driver of said motor-vehicle had no concerns about whether or not people noticed the little Beetle. No one could steal it, provided the out-of-place security system worked; and besides, it wasn't like anyone had a chance of catching her while she was behind the wheel. The woman in the driver's seat parked the car close to the exit, which would help shave precious seconds off her escape time. She adjusted her long, purple-tinted wig and slipped on a round-rimmed pair of dark sunglasses before stepping out and hitting the 'lock' button on her car remote, making it beep twice. Without turning around, she headed for the front door when she bumped shoulders with someone reaching for the same handle.

"Oh--sorry!" Shinji said reflexively as he pulled back to allow the odd-looking woman to pass. She had purplish-colored hair that fell just past her shoulder blades, which contrasted horribly with her pale skin, or what was visible beyond the boundaries of her black windbreaker. Her eyes were hidden behind her sunglasses, which seemed fine to Shinji because he was sure that they had to be as strange as her other features.

"...Forgive me," the woman said with a nod as she stepped aside. "You can go ahead of me." Had Shinji accepted her offer, he would have gotten out of the bank before trouble started. Unfortunately for Shinji, however, his mother had drummed a philosophy of chivalry and humility into his skull.

"Oh, no really--it's my fault," he responded with a polite smile as he held the door open. "...You go first." The purple-haired woman gave him a quizzical expression before smiling and entering through the open gateway.

"Well, that's very nice of you. It's nice to see that _some _people have manners these days." She walked straight up to one of the shorter lines and waited for her turn behind an old woman and a middle-aged mother with a bawling child in her arm. Shinji, seeing that the other three tellers had lines that stretched to the back of the building, got in place so that he was right after the woman with purple hair.

_Damn..._ she thought as she narrowed her eyes from behind her shades. _Well, I guess I'll have to keep it careful this time. No casualties if I can avoid it._

* * *

"...And here's your reciept. Have a nice day, ma'am." The teller smiled at the old woman as she hobbled away on her cane, then grabbed the nearly 10 pounds of rolled pennies at once, groaning as she leaned down to the safe. 

_Damnit, this is SO not my day,_ she whined to herself as she entered the last number of the combination and opened the heavy steel door, tossing the pennies haphazardly into the secure box. _I can't imagine how this could get any worse..._ She screwed her smile back into place as she got off the ground and back to her small section of the counter.

"Hello, welcome to the Tokyo Metro Bank...What can I do for you today?"

"Yes," the purple-haired woman said with a smile, speaking quietly enough to not be overheard by the other patrons. "...I'd like to make a withdrawal."

"Well, certainly, ma'am. We'll just be needing your ID and account number--"

"...No, I don't think we'll be needing that," the sunglasses-donning female said gregariously as she slipped a derringer out of the inside-breast pocket of her windbreaker and pointed it at the teller, positioning herself so that the tiny pistol was barely visible to anyone besides the two women. "...Don't scream," she said in barely a whisper upon seeing the other woman's eyes widen in fear. "...Now I'd like to keep this quiet. 'Civil,' if you will. So if you wouldn't mind emptying out that safe, and any cash you have access to, I'd very much appreciate it." The woman didn't need to be told twice. She turned around and, as calmly as she could, headed toward the safe. Neither of them saw one of the other tellers take notice of them from her stall, or slide her hand beneath the counter to hit the silent alarm.

* * *

Ritsuko walked casually up to the disorganized desk of her partner, sighing as she looked at the stacks upon stacks of unfinished papers and depositions. 

"Damn, Misato, when the hell are you gonna clean this place up?" From behind the wall of dead trees a violet-haired woman popped up her head, taking a moment to swallow the chunk of burger in her mouth before answering.

"Hey, I'll clean it up whenever I get around to it. I just haven't had any free time is all."

"What are you talking about?" the bleached blonde said accusingly. "...You're eating lunch right now--If you've got time for that, then you can at least take a few minutes to organize some of these." She picked up a stack of the papers and leafed through them for about a second before sighing and pulling a paper-clipped set out and waving them at Misato. "Look at this! The filing department's been breathing down my neck for this document for the last three weeks! You could've at LEAST had the decency to say that they should have been yelling at _you _instead!"

"Wah wah wah! Baby Witsuko's scawwed of da big bad papah-pushahs!" Misato mocked in an exaggerated baby voice before bursting into laughter at her own joke. Ritsuko sighed again, unable to believe how she could possibly have endured a friendship with this exasperating woman for the last 10 years.

"...Look, all I'm saying is that you should be more responsible. I can't imagine that it's very easy to tell your assignments apart from each other like this!" Misato, who had slumped over onto the desk in a state of post-meal drowsiness, didn't bother to look up at her friend.

"...You know, they say that being 'un-organized' is a sign of genius," Misato wearily said, as though proud of it.

"Don't you mean _dis_organized?" Ritsuko sarcastically quipped. Misato was silent a moment as she suddenly realized how easily she'd painted herself into a corner. She'd never admit that to Ritsuko's face however.

"...Whatever," the lazy woman muttered before shifting her head into a more comfortable position. Her friend glared at her from above the desk.

"Hey! Don't fall asleep at work, damnit!" Ritsuko barked angrily, but within seconds the only sound coming from Misato was an occasional snore. The blonde rubbed her forehead in disbelief. "I swear to God, Misato, you're such a--" she was cut off by the blaring of a siren in the middle of the room. Misato stuck her head up instantly, her body conditioned to stop napping as soon as duty called.

"...Looks like someone tripped an alarm system," Ritsuko said over her shoulder to Misato as the violet-haired woman followed her to the giant digital map on the far wall of the precinct. After a few seconds spent staring at the flashing dot indicating the location of the alarm, both women turned to each other in shock.

"...Do you think it's..." Ritsuko began warily.

"No doubt about it," Misato said with a satisfied smile on her face. "...It's definitely her. A bank in broad daylight? Only she's that bold." With that, Misato turned to the other cops surrounding her, all fatigue gone from her voice as she spoke clearly and with an undeniable zeal. "All right, boys--time to nab us a bank robber!" At once every available officer in the building headed for the parking garage with Ritsuko, while Misato ran to grab her light-brown trenchcoat and matching fedora.

* * *

Shinji hummed to himself as his SDAT played through Beethoven's Ninth again. He'd taken the beloved music player out of his backpack shortly after getting in line, but he could only take standing here waiting for so long.

_What the hell is that woman doing?_ he thought in annoyance as he glared at the purple-haired girl in question, who had been at the counter for nearly 15 minutes now. _Is she selling her firstborn or something?_ He would have said something excepting the fact that he would never be so rude in real life, regardless of how annoyed he may have been.

_And I'll bet Mom's worried about me, too..._

Suddenly the woman made a nod at the teller and turned around, carrying a very big bag. Shinji couldn't help staring at the burlap sack, wondering just what kind of money this weird lady had. She was about to pass him and head out the door when the flashing and ringing of sirens came out of nowhere and to a stop in front of the frosted glass of the bank entrance. The boy looked up to see a dazed expression on the woman's face. Before Shinji could put two and two together, she grabbed him in a headlock with her right arm, dropping the sack in the process.

"Hey, what the--" Shinji began, but instantly stopped upon feeling the cool metal of a gun barrel on his cheek. The woman leaned her face close to Shinji's, so that only he would hear her.

"...If you play along and don't make a fuss, I won't have to kill you. We clear?" Shinji didn't have a chance to answer as the bank patrons, finally realizing what was going on, began to whimper in fear and try to run. "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!" the violet-haired woman yelled out as she pointed the derringer in her hand at a suited man attempting to nonchalantly escape through the side door. He instantly ran back to the group as they put their hands in the air and gathered in the middle of the bank.

* * *

The policeman set down his binoculars and turned to look at his two commanding officers.

"Dectectives Katsuragi and Akagi-- it looks like there's only one assailant!"

"Good," Ritsuko said as she took a final drag on her cigarette and tossed it into the street. There were about 5 squad cars stationed around the building, and officers in groups of four were surrounding the exits.

"Perimeter secure!" a voice crackled over Misato's walkie-talkie. She picked it up with a smile on her face.

"All right, on my signal, all squads move in. Ready?...Go!" Misato yelled into the communicator as she ran for the nearest door.

* * *

The woman couldn't help but sigh as a swarm of gun-toting officers kicked the building's doors in, smashing the glass as they moved to surround her in a semicircle.

_Same procedure as everywhere...I swear, cops just don't have any ingenuity._

She was shaken out of her disdainful thoughts as one of the policemen stepped towards her, his gun raised at her head.

"Drop the weapon and let the boy go!" He screamed at her. She only looked at him carefully. The slight shaking of the pistol in his hand, the telltale beads of sweat running down his face... She couldn't help but chuckle slightly. "WHAT IS IT?" the officer bellowed, his agitation becoming more evident by the second.

"...You've never fired a gun outside of target practice, have you?" she said with a slightly mocking tone. His eyes widened in surprise, but he said nothing verbally to confirm she was right. Instead his mouth opened and closed slightly, like a fish gasping for breath.

"Easy, Hyuga," came a confident woman's voice from one of the entrances. Misato walked up to the semicircle as the officer she had called 'Hyuga' lowered his pistol slightly and stepped back in line with his fellow officers, quickly shifting his Magnum to his left hand while he pushed the square-lensed glasses on his face back up the bridge of his nose with his right. "Well, well, well. So we finally meet face-to-face," Misato said with unbridled cockiness as she smiled at her quarry. "...I have to say, I love what you've done to your hair." The woman holding Shinji hostage gave Misato a sly grin.

"So...You're the great Misato Katsuragi, eh? I've only heard your voice before, myself. You're not as young as I thought you'd be." To her satisfaction, the detective bristled visibly upon hearing the implication that she was 'old.'

"...Don't bother, kid," Misato said as she recovered herself. "...You're outnumbered AND outgunned here. So drop the gun and put both hands into the air." To Shinji's relief, the thief dropped her gun on the floor with a clatter, then slowly released her grip on him and put her hands at her sides. "...I said, BOTH HANDS IN THE AIR!" Misato repeated with a deadly urgency. The woman complied, but not before slipping her right hand, shielded from view by Shinji, into the pocket of her light jacket. "That's much better. Now," she motioned to Shinji, "...Just let the kid go." Shinji started to walk towards the detective when the female thief stopped him with her voice.

"...I wouldn't do that..."

"SHUT UP!" Misato growled at her, unable to stop herself from getting riled up. "...You're in no position to make threats, little girl. If you're lucky, you might get off with 25 years by the time we're done with--"

"Detective! There's something in her hand!" Misato flinched at hearing Hyuga's warning, and at once every cop in the bank was staring at the heretofore-unnoticed bulge in the woman's right hand.

"What _is_ that?" Misato demanded as she whipped out the Magnum hidden beneath her coat and aimed it squarely at the other woman's chest. "DROP IT!" The thief smiled to herself as she let fall from her hand a small round object, only slightly bigger than a rubber ball. It bounced about half a foot upon impact, and before it could touch the ground again its owner kicked it towards the ring of policemen. They had no time to react as it exploded into a blinding flash of light that enveloped the room.

* * *

Shinji felt the woman's hand shield his eyes and pull him into another headlock just as the tiny Flashbang went off.

"Come ON!" she said urgently as she dragged him toward one of the exits, grabbing the fallen bag of cash as she went.

* * *

Misato rubbed her eyes, trying to make the room stop spinning and to ignore the ringing in her ears as every other person in the bank suffered from the same symptoms as she.

"W...what the hell...?" She managed as she forced her eyes to focus and find that the building was short one bankrobber, hostage and a sackful of money. "She's gone!" She wanted to curse her head off, but there was no time for that. If they hurried... "On your feet, boys!" Misato yelled over her shoulder as she ran for the door.

_If we hurry..._

_The squad outside... they had to have slowed her down..._

Misato ran out the exit to find nothing more than Ritsuko and four of her five officers standing around in a daze. It took the trenchcoat-wearing detective a moment to process what she was seeing.

"W-w-what the HELL is THIS!" she screamed at them. "You're all just sitting on your asses? Why didn't anyone try to stop her!"

"We DID, Misato!" Ritsuko said defensively as she stepped to the side. Misato gasped involuntarily when she saw what her friend had been standing in front of. "...And this is what happened." Lying in the parking lot was a policeman, his eyes twitching slightly as he shook like a leaf.

"Wh...what happened?" The violet-haired woman asked in shock.

"...When she ran out here, this poor guy headed straight for her getaway car. Cut her off, you know? Well, the second he touched the body, he fell over like he was having a seizure. He's showing all the signs of electric shock, but we're not sure how much voltage was running through him before he fell."

_A booby-trapped car..._

Misato glared off in the distance as she threw her fedora to the ground in a fit.

"DAMN YOU, AYANAMI!"

* * *

Shinji glanced nervously over at the woman from his position in the passenger seat of the light-blue Beetle. She was in the middle of juggling the tasks of looking through her 'earnings' and watching the road she was driving on. It took him a moment of solid thinking for the impact of what had just happened to hit him in full force.

_Oh God...Oh God...What's going to happen to me? How did this happen? What about my parents? What if they think I'm dead? What if--_

"Damn, it's just chump change," the thief sighed as she tossed the bag into the cramped backseat.

_If I'd had more time or the place wasn't so full, I might have been able to snag a bit more. And now I've got a hostage, of all things..._

Her mind kept on this train of thought as she unconciously reached up to the wigline of the purple mop on her head and yanked it off in a single tug, letting her real hair spill carelessly into the wind. It was a few moments before she noticed that her 'hostage' was staring at her in bewilderment.

"...What is it?" she asked as she turned her face to the boy, who recoiled at the unexpected question. He made a few incoherent stuttering sounds, which she got tired of rather quickly, and decided instead to follow the path of his eyes to where her short bob of hair was. "Oh, never seen a blue-haired woman before?" the woman queried with mock innocence. When he didn't respond, she decided to lower her glasses, giving Shinji a brief glimpse of her even more bizarre crimson eyes. Not much of a glimpse, but just enough that he let out a doglike yelp and nearly jumped out of his seat. Satisfied, the thief let out a long, mirthful laugh, one that to Shinji sounded like a psychotic cackle more than anything else.

Eventually she stopped giggling at his expense and the only sound became the rushing of wind over their heads. Shinji glanced back over his shoulder at the cityline rapidly disappearing behind them. Out of nowhere he put his hand on the pocket where his SDAT was only to realize he must have left it at the bank. He sighed in lament for his beloved piece of hardware, then slowly turned his attention back to the road ahead. After a few more minutes passed, he decided that now was the time to speak.

"U-u-um...ma'am?" The woman said nothing, not even bothering to take her eyes off the road. "L-l-listen...c-could I--"

"...If you're going to ask if you can go home..." the woman started and Shinji instantly shut up, "...I'm afraid that I can't let you. Not yet." Before the boy could gather the indignation to ask why, she spoke again. "...You'd probably just help them find me and I don't feel like being caught because I was turned in by some whiny little snitch. I SHOULD just kill you right here and now..." Shinji cringed as she reached into her coat and threateningly flashed the handle of another one-shot pistol, "...But I'm feeling rather generous today." She slipped the weapon back in, triggering a sigh of relief from Shinji as his heart switched back to its normal pace. "So I've decided to let you come along. I could always use some extra help anyway." The last statement was spoken just low enough that Shinji was about to ask what she had said but thought better of it.

_As long as I'm not gonna die, then hell, I don't care..._

"Well, we may as well get acquainted," the blue-haired woman said as she stuck her hand out to him. "...What's your name?" Shinji hesitated at first. What if she knew his family name? Just about everyone did... If he told her, then there's no telling what she'd do. She might even hold him for ransom...

"Uh...S-Shinji," he finally managed. At first she gave him a skeptical glare, made evident by her raised eyebrow.

"That's it? Just 'Shinji?'" she chuckled wryly at him. "...You think you're the 'man with no name' or something?" Finally Shinji decided that he may as well try making something up, if only to throw her off.

"Shinji...Haruhara."

"Your first try was better," the woman said with a smirk, seeing straight through his poorly-constructed psuedonym. Shinji cringed again, but she only shrugged passively. "...All right, 'Shinji'... you don't wanna tell me your real name, that's no problem. I don't really care anyway." She offered her hand to Shinji, who slowly took it and weakly shook it. The woman offered him another sly grin as she shook back.

"My name's Ayanami...but you can just call me Rei."

A/N: And that's how they met...: ) I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter-- it's the most I've ever gotten for a single installment before! I'll try to keep this as entertaining as I can, so I hope you enjoy it!

P.S. Oh, and regarding ages:

Shinji: 17 (second-to-last year of high school)

Rei: 19 (College dropout, by choice not stupidity)


End file.
